Gullible

Maybe it's because she's a girl that I worry more about her than the boys. It's hard to tell since she's my only girl.

For such a beautiful and (sometimes) sweet thing, she has some terrible self-esteem. On top of that, she is way too trusting. She'll believe anything someone she considers a friend, tells her. It's a recipe for disaster that has burned her many times in the past.

It's reared its ugly head again today, but the difference is that instead of feeling that is a life lesson, I'm pissed because she was totally taken advantage of by an older kid she looks up to. It sucks.

So....

For Easter, my fabulous Aunts hide Easter eggs for the kids. Inside them is money. Each kid gets to find about a dozen eggs and ends up with ten bucks. Not bad for 20 minutes work. Meg took this money to school with her yesterday. Why??? Who knows. It's the mystery of Meghan. But probably to show off.

She shows it to her seatmate Hailey, on the bus. Hailey is a fifth grader. Meghan sits with her since an incident on the bus where a lovely boy was holding her and kicking her leg telling her he was going to break it. She left the bus sobbing with a huge welt and bruise on her thigh. Normally a 2nd grader wouldn't sit with a 5th grader but I think the bus driver did it to protect her.

Anyway.... all I hear about is Hailey. Hailey helps her with her reading, Hailey helped me do my Math, Hailey quizzed me on my spelling words, Hailey, Hailey Hailey.....

You get my drift.

So apparently Meg shows her the Easter money yesterday on the bus and Hailey tells her she just got a doll that had another smaller doll with it. Meghan tells her that if she doesn't want it, she'll take it and fabulous Hailey tells her that she can buy it for the low low price of just $4. I know none of this until Meg walks into the bathroom I am cleaning and tells me the story and asks if I'm mad.

Well of course I want to see what her $4 has purchased and she pulls out from behind her back a troll doll that is MAYBE an inch high. For four dollars.

Then she starts bawling. She said that she paid her yesterday (sight unseen) and when she got the doll today, she was really upset. Meghan told her she didn't like the doll and wanted her money but of course Hailey did not have it anymore.

So what was my response you ask? I told her to tell Hailey she wants her phone number because her mom is really upset and wants to talk to Hailey's mom.

What do you think?

Normally I am a "life lesson" person, but I just can't tolerate this. It's just mean.

At the same time, when is Meghan going to learn her lesson??? People are not nice. They just aren't. Especially kids. Yet she never stops trying to be a people pleaser and doing anything to get them to like her. It makes me nuts especially considering that is so opposite my personality.

My fear is that this will not go away. When she gets older, the peer pressure becomes worse and more dangerous. I fear that she will allow some boy to pressure her into sex when she isn't ready. I fear her friends will be able to get her to drink or worse when it's not what she really wants to do. A million things have been going through my head the last few months regarding Meghan. I hope I am being silly, overreacting, whatever. Please tell me that I am.

Please.

Maybe the Recession isn't such a bad thing....

I know most people would think that I was crazy to say that, but I really believe it's true. Now B and I are struggling like most people. For heaven's sake, he's in the mortgage business so you know we're not exactly rolling in dough right now!

But at the same time, we got so comfortable before. Going out shopping was like a sport. I remember when the mortgage crisis first began, Meghan said to me while getting dressed for school "I just want to wear something I have to take the tags off!" Meaning I hadn't bought her anything new in a while and it wasn't something she was used to. I was so pissed. I thought she was being a total spoiled brat, and she was. But I had created that monster.

Over the last couple years, I thought I had broken her of this spoiled nonsense, but apparently not. A couple of Sundays ago, after church (yes mom, I went to church!) Meg asked if we could go to the big mall (aka: Woodfield) and do some shopping. She said she wanted some alone time with me. *insert eye roll*

Being the fantastic mother I am (and not wanting to lay around all day) I agreed to go. We had a really pleasant afternoon of wandering the mall and looking at stuff. I let her lead the way and go wherever she wanted. Towards the end of the afternoon, I wanted to head into H&M to look around. While there, Meghan found a few really cute (and cheap) things that she wanted me to buy her. I told that I couldn't buy her anything, but that she had enough money on her to buy them herself. She informed me that she REALLY wanted a new Webkinz so how about she buy that, and I buy the clothes. A born salesperson already.... That got shot down quickly. I told her she had to make a tough decision but could only get the clothes or the Webkinz.

She called Caden from the dressing room to see if there was a Lil'Kinz in the animal she wanted. (For those that don't know, a lil'kinz is a downsized webkinz and only $10 instead of $15). It didn't. Big decision still looming. We decided to walk around the store for a bit while she thought about it. While looking around, she peeks in her purse and says, "Mommy, I found another $10!" "Great!" I say. "Now you can get all the clothes you wanted and a Webkinz."

So we head to the register to pay. The total would have been $21 minus tax. But then the tax hit and she had to use a fiver to pay. She was pissed. Telling me she didn't understand why she had to pay tax (that makes two of us) and it wasn't fair. Now she wouldn't be able to get the webkinz. So I tell her, if you are a dollar or two short, I will make up the difference. Nice mommy, right?

We leave the store hand in hand, everyone happy. As we are heading towards Hallmark to buy the webkinz, I reach into my coat pocket where my phone was and notice something. The $10 bill I had in my pocket is missing. Hmmm...... interesting how my daughter happened to find ten bucks at such a fortuitous time! Oh, man was I mad. I stalked right out of that mall and to the car with Meghan following me the whole time whining about her Webkinz.

Once we get in the car, it finally dawns on her that we were NOT getting the Webkinz. I guess it takes the 7 year old brain awhile to compute this stuff. Then the screaming and waterworks start. Oh man, I could have killed her! But the best is yet to come. . . She asks to call her father to narc on me and how bad of a mother I am. Sure, sweetie...have at it. I hand her my phone and she calls him. The whining does nothing so she hangs up on him. So, I'm not taking her bait. I'm not yelling or screaming, not getting upset, nothing. So she goes for the jugular at the first opening.

I tell her, "I can't just buy you everything you want."
Meg - "I don't know why not. Everyone else gets whatever they want!"
Me - "That's not true."
Meg - "I don't know why we have to be poor JUST BECAUSE YOU WON'T GO GET A JOB!"

Now I don't generally let my kids hurt my feelings. They can say they hate me and I'm mean, blah blah blah and it doesn't bother me at all, but that one comment really got to me. I mean, what the fuck am I doing this for??? Why did I give up my career and my life, just to raise a bunch of little fucking brats???? How much this hurt my feelings really surprised me. I struggled to not cry because that's what she wanted. To hurt me. It worked. I know that someday she will realize she was lucky even though now it feels like a burden. Someday she will understand how much a woman sacrifices to stay at home with her children. Someday she will appreciate she got a different type of everything, that had nothing to do with money.