One Year Later...

Out on one of our photowalks shortly after her diagnoses, we found some graffiti with
the words 'BELIEVE'. We thought it was perfect for our feelings at the beginning
of her cancer journey.

At the age of 43, the years seem to fly by. Each one mixing into the next until an old Timehop or memory comes up and makes me stop and realize how much time has passed without me noticing. But not this year. This year was a year of firsts and each one made me painfully aware of how fast this year was passing.

One year. People of bought and sold houses, new cars, new babies, old loves lost, new loves begun, new school year, new jobs, new friends, vacations, concerts, holidays, birthdays. So much happens in one year that we take it for granted.

The original bookclub from when we first met.

One year ago today, I lost one of my best friends. Colleen was one of my "newer" friends. We met in October of 2006 through a mutual acquaintance who had invited me to her book club that was being held at her house. No actual book was read that I remember but they had Jorie the Coffee Psychic at the party. Colleen was one of the very first people I met that night and I remember liking her right away. We had a mutual love of reading, learning and red wine that bonded us immediately.

Over the ensuing years, we shared our lives, the good and the bad, inside jokes, great books and more laughter than I can even remember. She burned her mark onto my soul.

In some ways I can hardly believe it's been a year already. The pain I feel at her loss is still as sharp as the day we said goodbye. I can close my eyes and hear her voice, feel her arms around me in one of her signature hugs. I still find myself picking up the phone to call her or send her a text about one of out many inside jokes. And at the same time I can't believe it's only been a year. So much has happened since she has passed, good and bad. It feels like a lifetime since I've held her hand, drank some hidden wine or debated over the latest book we read.

Technology has been a blessing and a curse. Facebook and Timehop remind me daily of her presence or rather lack of her presence. In August of 2015, I found out that I did not get a job I really wanted and thought that I had locked up. In September Colleen's cancer had found a new way to make her miserable by essentially blocking her kidneys. She needed a couple of procedures and lots of hospital visits along with someone to get her there. That was when I decided that God had different plans for me. Getting that teaching job was not my path. My path was to be there for my friend and help her out as best as I could. While it was difficult as hell to watch her suffer through some of the things that had to be done, I wouldn't trade that time I had with her for a million dollars. Long conversations in the car on the way to the hospital, hours hanging out during chemo or Vitamin C treatments, breakfast after radiation...memories I have to cherish forever.

I try and remember her at these times. Adversity was never something that could bring her down and she was at her best while greeting doctors, nurses and technicians. She knew their names, their stories. Of course she did. Getting to know people was her gift; getting them to open up to her and making them feel like she really wanted to know and was interested in who they were because she truly was. I think people fascinated her. Even at the end, when we had to accept the inevitable, she (mostly) had a smile for everyone who walked in her hospital room. In the hospice center she held court in the middle of the room making everyone laugh at the sense of humor that was still hanging on even through the drugs and the pain.




I have photos of those end times. I haven't looked at them since the day I took them. I can't. It's too hard. I told myself I was taking the photos for the people in the room. A last memento of the time they had with her. She was giving each of us gifts she had picked out during her last trip to the Mexican beach. That was her. Always thinking of everyone else. But in reality, I was hiding behind my lens. It was easier for me to watch others say goodbye when I was worried about my aperture and shutter speed. Framing just right to get the emotion without feeling it myself. Someday I hope to be able to edit those photos and get them to the people who deserve to have them and see them but I just don't know when that will be. I prefer to remember her as the beautiful vibrant woman that I met back in 2012 who was always so full of life and ready to take on any adventure.

I will miss you forever my friend. I miss you every day. I strive to live up to be the person/artist/entrepreneur that you saw inside me. Today, I will light a candle for you and do a little dance in your honor. Rest in Peace my Dancing Queen. <3 p="">

Wow! I cannot believe it has been over a year since I posted. The funny thing is that I compose posts all the time in my head yet never seem to get them put down here. I went through my blog the other day looking for an old picture to use for #TBT (Throw back Thursday) on Instagram and spent some time reading through a bunch of the posts. The sad thing to me is how cool it was that I had those memories from the previous years and yet nothing for the last year. Another thing struck me, especially when it comes to Meghan, that some things never change. *sigh*

Its been a crazy year with a bunch of ups and downs, great moments and sad ones.  I brought some new friends into my life, said goodbye to a bunch of old (Unnecessary) ones, welcomed new members to the family (Hello John!) and, sadly, said goodbye to some (RIP Grandma Sue).

How do you sum up a year? I don't think I can so I will do some bullet point high lights/low points and throw in a few pics for good measure!

• January 2013 made me officially the mother of a Teenager!!! Ack! When did Caden get so old while I stayed so young?
• I began another long term sub in January at Marlowe for Tricia Warren. It was an ok assignment, definitely not my favorite, but I was able to make HUGE strides in Candy Crush.
• The Reed/Cirrintano family welcomed its newest addition of Alyssa January (Dan and Erica)
• Bridget made her First Communion.
• Caden completed his usual round of athletics...Rec basketball, Heineman Track, LITH Baseball
• Branden started playing travel baseball with Bryan as the coach, even though I banned him from being a head coach anymore. See how much pull I have??
• Caden started 8th grade, Meghan 7th and Branden 4th
• Jordan Petryniec asked me to be her confirmation sponsor. I was so honored. Love that kid!
• 2013 was the year of electronics for the Reed family with the addition of Branden's new Ipod Touch, 2 Ipads, and my newest love, a Canon Mark III! Thank Bryan's Frequent Funder program at work!
• The Reed family took its first ever Family Road Trip to Florida. McDance was performing at Disney so we traveled with the Dick and Lackovic families down to Florida with a one day pit stop in Nashville. An awesome time was had as long as we weren't at any Disney parks. We weren't such a fan of those as a whole.
• Shannon met a new boy, Dan. He's really nice and we think he might stick around permanently...as long as we don't manage to scare him off. He's won Meghan over so that definitely helps! LOL
• Speaking of relationships, Bryan and I were invited to The Jeff's wedding, a swanky affair downtonwn. It was our first and probably best ever gay wedding! So happy to have been there for them!
• Branden's Thunder team finished 2nd in the conference with a couple impressive tournament wins!
• Meghan left dance for the first half of the school year. Too much drama and bitchiness. We needed a break. So while she wasn't dancing...
• Meghan made the Heineman volleyball team! She had a great season and I was so impressed with how much better she was by the end considering she had never played organized volleyball in her life!
• In March/April/May we were dealing with Mom getting pretty sick and ending up with her need a colon resection due to a massive abscess she had. Way too much time in the hospital and being sick in general. Thankfully she has made a full recovery and is feeling much better.
• Dad finally retired in June. He seems much happier since he's moved back to Crown Point permanently and has even gotten himself a new doggie to take care of!
• Mark and Jenn welcomed the newest addition to their family, a little Pit puppy named Seamus. He is totally adorable.
• Eileen and Joe welcomed their first human baby, John in September. He's an absolute doll and we love him to pieces.
• Branden played another losing season of Mustang football. Don't know if he will play next year or not. He really hates to lose.
• Bryan won a free overnight at The Abbey in Lake Geneva so we took the kids for a fun sleepover. Thankfully the weather was beautiful and everyone got along!
• Bryan and I got to go to my first ever Bon Jovi concert thanks to Colleen! It was awesome!
• Sadly, in November, I officially entered middle age as I turned 40. I think this is when I composed the most blogs in my head. I had a super tough time with it but the anticipation was worse than the actual event. Bryan threw me a party and all my friends and family came over to celebrate and get me drunk! I'm (mostly) over it now.
• By Christmas, the Casey family was celebrating 3 new engagements! Michael Cellini and Samantha got engaged on her 30th bday in Nashville, followed by Jim Cichon and Abbey and last but not least, Melissa Casey and Dave. They also announced they are expecting in May! Jim and Abbey will the the first married in August 2014 in Marco Island. Another trip to Florida for me!! :)

I'll try and match up a couple of pictures from the above events and that should catch us up! In no particular order:

 Meghan playing Heineman Volleyball

 Pictures at The Abbey - Lake Geneva

 Branden gets his first Ipod for his birthday

 Bridget makes her First Communion

 Caden playing 7th grade basketball

 The engaged guys (Jimmy, Dave, Michael)

 The future brides (Melissa, Abbey, Samantha)

 My 40th Birthday

 First day of school (Caden 8, Meghan 7, Branden 4)

 Meghan playing Rec Basketball

 Meghan and Grandma Moe

 Bryan and I at the Jeff's wedding

 Jordan and I at her confirmation

 Friday Night Lights for Branden

 Grandpa Gerry's retirement party

 Best day ever in Florida!

 Caden's track season

 Bridget's formal First Communion portraits

 Fabulous Feet 2013 - Hip Hop

 Fabulous Feet 2013 - Tap

 Baby John

 Branden and Dad after their first tournament win this season!

 My new baby

 My bestie at the Jeff's wedding

 The Jeff's ceremony - obviously a Japanese Theme

 My girls

 All the kids on South Daytona Beach

 Me, Bryan, Rob and Colleen at the Bon Jovi Concert

Baby John on his first day on earth!

Well that about does it. I promise to myself I will be better this year! Both here and on my business blog. I need to be!!!  Fingers crossed it happens.

Merry effing Christmas

It was another stellar Christmas at the Reed house. Or at least a typical christmas morning. It was spent talking branden down from a colossal meltdown...again. Once again Santa and his parents let him down. It's amazing what idiots we are. Apparently he wanted new PS3 games and we were supposed to read his mind. Lord save me from ungrateful children. Amen.

Project 365 - Day 11 "The Greeter"

Why am I finding it so hard to take pictures? Seriously.  I took almost 500 pics between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and now I can't find one to take!  I finally settled on Shamrock because she will actually sit for a picture. Godiva gets too excited that you are looking at her and thinks a treat is forthcoming!  I got home from picking Meghan up at dance and Shamrock came to greet me with a shoe in the mouth, as usual.  At least she doesn't destroy...

(As usual, please ignore the ever present laundry basket.)

I went to work for the first time today since pulling my back on Thursday. Unfortunately because I am so short, I only own shoes with heels besides my gym shoes which are a little frowned upon at school.  By the time I got home, I had pain shooting up my right "cheek" and into my lower back pretty badly.  I'm finishing this post and then taking my fabulous muscle relaxers and sliding off into dream land! I love muscle relaxers.  Back to work tomorrow but I'm going to try and work my solid black gym shoes into the outfit. Wish me luck.

365 Days - Day 10

Today was just a normal day of running around (slowly since the back is still on the mend) getting groceries, looking for post Christmas deals etc. Once the kids get home from school, it is go go go, especially on Mondays since that is Meghan's long day at dance. She has hip hop at 5 and then irish until 7:30.  Since I hadn't gotten a picture all day I brought the camera to dance hoping to get something. I tried. I really did but this is the best I could do...

Meghan is all the way up front in the baby blue shirt. I liked that I had a pretty straight on shot of her from the doorway. They are rehearsing their dance for the recital in June.  The dances are so intricate and with so many moving parts, it takes months of practice to perfect them. I'm always awed by the choreography of Meg's dance teacher.

365 Days - Day 9

So this project is proving to be harder than I thought it would be just because my life isn't all that interesting. I'm busy for sure but cool stuff to photograph everyday, not so much.  But I'm committed to doing this so I will continue to bug people by bringing my camera everywhere! Haha.

For Christmas, our budding "Cake Boss" asked for a mini-donut maker and my in-laws kindly obliged.  We busted this out Sunday morning to test it out.  In my infinite wisdom, I made a double batch. The donuts are so tiny and I just figured only one batch wouldn't be enough, there would be fights and chaos, blah blah blah. So double batch it was.  Here was our results:

I ended up just dipping most of them in powdered sugar or cinnamon sugar just for ease. There were "recipes" for glazes but I'm not a huge baker and flat out didn't understand what the heck I was supposed to do!

They were pretty good, however I'm not sure if there is any such thing as a bad donut??

365 Days - Day 8

Once again since I still felt like crap, not a lot of picture taking happening.  The one shot I did get is a view of our life this past week.  Since the Superbowl is coming up, both Caden's baseball team and Meghan's dance group were selling superbowl squares and Bryan was in charge of both.  Needless to say, when you are selling 200 superbowl squares, you get a lot of email.  He spent so much time putting in names and keeping track.  Thank goodness they both sold out in 4 days!

Nice laundry basket in the background, huh? The point is to chronicle real life and goodness knows that laundry is a big stinkin' part of mine!