I'm embarassed

It's an embarassing day to be from Illinois, let alone Chicago. I like my city to be in the spotlight for good things like the White Sox winning the World Series, or the pending 2016 olympics.

Not for yet another corrupt freaking politician!

I voted for this jackass.

I defended him feeling that Mike Madigan was being unfair and running a game against Blagojevich as a favor to Blago's father in law (who detests him! That's gotta be saying something). But no. Instead, we have the biggest idiot ever running our state and making us a complete laughing stock of the rest of the country. (Though I imagine there are some states out there breathing a sigh of relief that it isn't them!)

I am afraid that this reflects poorly on Obama. I am praying he was in no way involved in this and is actually going to do what he says he will!

I fear that the IOC is thinking "Why in the hell would we give the olympics to a state that can't even control their own govenor!".

This sucks.

I want an apology and I want it now, not that it is going to make things any better.

But the sad thing is that there isn't one forthcoming. Blago is so full of himself he seems to have deluded himself into thinking he did nothing wrong. He said as much the day before his arrest. And he's showing it by the fact that he has said he will not resign.

Jerk.

It's embarassing to be from Illinois. . . from Chicago. . . and to be a democrat.

Jerk.

I'm not gloating or anything...

These are up all over downtown. Love it and couldn't resist taking a picture. This one is up on Randolph and Division, I think. Not so great with the streets downtown.

You better watch out...

Little B and I were standing by the front window waiting for the kids to come home from school. He turns and looks at me with his adorable little 4 year old face and says:

B - Is Santa watching me right now?

Me - Santa is watching you all the time. Why? Did you do something you don't want Santa to see?

B - *Shrug* (Will no longer look me in the eye)

Hmmm....

(Sorry about the sideways pic. Taken with an actual, honest to God film camera so it won't let me turn it! But I'm assuming you get the idea...)

What the hell did I do?

People are trying to kill me. Well, not necessarily me, but my poor mini-van. Not long ago, this happened:

Can you see it? This big dent on the side of the van? I got sideswiped in the parking lot of the dance school.

Not great especially since no one owned up to it. This was around October 25.

Then today, I am stopped at a green light because about 3 fire trucks are peeling up the road heading (I'm assuming) to a huge plume of black smoke a couple miles ahead when I am rear-ended by a little Mazda! What the Fuck! Seriously?

So I'm working myself up into a really good lather even though I have 3 four year olds in the car with me. I see this teenager get out of the car and am even more pissed. I roll down my window and...

THE KID IS DEAF!!!

Really?

Now ALL the wind has been taken out of my sails and I feel bad. The kid didn't stand a chance. We had the green but he couldn't hear the fire trucks sirens. Not really his fault and certainly not mine. *sigh* I thought he was going to cry.

Funny thing is, my car has NO visible damage. We are going to have it checked out just in case there is hidden damage but the front end of his car is totaled. His little car went right under my bumper and took out his lights and smashed his front end.

Merry Christmas!

Eating Crow (just a little)

Ok, so he didn't do too bad.

I got the phone system I wanted. It has a cool black and yellow one for the garage that has protective sides in case it falls and can be submerged for up to 30 minutes without damaging the phone. (Not that I have a pool for it to fall in, but there is every chance of being left in the rain!)

So, not a Bears sweatshirt in sight, thank God.

He'll probably save that for Christmas.

Birthdays Suck

It's my birthday today.

*woo hoo*

Not really.

I'm crabby.

Really crabby.

My kids are crabby too. I feel like they are trying to crawl up my ass and live there like a fricking annoying hemmoroid.

I actually yelled at Meg "It's my damn birthday. I shouldn't have to be yelling at you." What kind of sense does that make? 7 year olds don't get that my birthday should be a nice day, just like theirs is.

Before you ask, there is no particular reason I'm crabby. Birthdays don't bug me. Aging isn't too much of an issue...yet.

But it doesn't help that the presents wrapped all nicely on my dining room table in no way resemble the box for the new cordless phones I wanted or the 26 x 30 picture frame I asked for. Why bother to ask me for what I want if you aren't going to listen? Based on packaging, I assume it's a Bears sweatshirt. Why? you ask. Because I had to borrow one of Bryan's for a Bears party we went to and he was shocked to learn I did not have one of my own.

Yes.

That's exactly what I want.

A sweatshirt for a team I couldn't give two shits about.

But I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he did really good. We'll see.

But I doubt it.

New Layouts

Just a couple new layouts that I did using a freebie kit from Vicki at her site. She makes some really nice stuff and she just gives it away. Love it.

I couldn't resist taking this picture of my two babies napping.

This one is done at the reception from the wedding Branden was in. Neither Meghan nor Branden could hang. Too much excitment all day I guess.

I'm a dork...and it's ok.

A couple of years ago, my lovely baby sister Eileen reminded me that I was old and a dork. It's not as bad as it seems, but she happened to call me the day my full view storm door was installed and I was excited, giddy even. To her 26 year old brain, I was the ultimate bore. How can one get so excited about a door. I told her that someday she would understand and she said that she hoped not.

Well, it's happened again. Me getting excited about the mundane, I mean. And here it is...



Can you see it?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

If you live out here in the boondocks of the "Far Northwest Suburbs of Chicago" you know what I'm talking about.

I haven't seen a "real" mailtruck in 6 years!

I cannot tell you how annoying it has been to me to see the mail carrier cruising around in their personal vehicle or when you get behind that person not realizing it's the mailman and have them stop short. Or try to explain to people who enjoy making fun of the fact that you live in a town famous for the Turkey Testicle Festival that the hunk of junk outside your house is the car delivering your mail.

I feel like I live in a real town now.

I'm proud of my podunk town for finally entering this millenium and getting me a freakin' mail truck!

I'm a dork.

I know.

Shamrock

My latest Shamrock layout

First Day of School

First day of school! Music to my ears. If you ask my kids what mom does after they get on the bus for the first day of school, they will tell you ( in a monotone, annoyed voice) "she has a margarita party". I am simultaneously doing a happy dance behind them. Cracks me up every time and annoys the crap out of them every time. In fact, I did go to a friends house for "coffee" and cinnamon rolls. (I don't do coffee, I do fountain Coke from McDonalds).

Before all that however, we had a fun filled morning of stuffing down breakfast and getting dressed, teeth brushed, etc in 45 minutes when during summer that took about 2 hours. We made it to the bus in plenty of time even with taking some cute pics of my kids.

And here they are: (Drumroll please...)

Isn't she cute?? She's excited to get back to school and see her friends but she's a bit worried about how hard it's going to be. We'll see soon enough.

This is my big 3rd grader! He was nervous because he's starting a new school. Our district has one school for Kindergarten to second grade and then you go to a different school that is 3rd to 5th grade. The school looks exactly the same except reversed but he was afraid of getting lost. My poor boy. ( He made it fine, btw, just like I knew he would)

This is the best picture I could get of all three of them because the little one is so excited to get them out of the house! He had the tv to himself, whatever snack he wanted without sharing, and of course no one competing for mom (except Shamrock)!

Ah the peace. Ah the quiet. I love school.

New Look

Look! I changed my background. I was reading Elizabeth Hill Cottage and she has a really cute new background and was kind enough to give the link for it which is here. They have a bunch of really nice stuff on there that is free! My favorite thing ever!

What was I thinking?

Say hello to the newest member of our family!

Isn't she sweet??

I've been having puppy fever for awhile now and we've just been looking for the right dog, breeder, price, time. Finally, we came across Amber in Sycamore and her huge litter of 11 puppies!!!

We've named our newest arrival "Shamrock". She has become "Shammie" or "The Rock" depending on who's talking and what she's doing.

Shamrock is growing like a weed and has gotten bigger in the two weeks we've had her. Having a puppy is a lot like having a toddler that gets into EVERYTHING!

That was the Poinsettia that I've managed to keep alive for two years! OH well. Thank God dad got me a new carpet cleaner a couple months back.

Training is going well and we love her to death already. I'm sure there will be more updates soon.

Why?

Why do people think that just because they know you and something about your life and situation, that they can comment on it?

Why does family think they have more right than anyone else to give you their opinion?

Why do people outside your situation think that they know better than yourself how to deal with a difficult situation?

Why?

On the flipside...

Why do I care so much that they comment?

Why do I put value on their opinion just because its family?

Why does someone else's comment make me second guess how I'm dealing with things? I'm the one that has to deal and live with the situation, not them.

Why?

Most of all...

Why am I so pissed off about it?

Potty Training Tips

So I've been a mom now for 8 1/2 years. And all my kids are still alive. Pretty impressive, huh? So I've decided to share some tips from my vast stores of knowledge about potty training. Potty training boys specifically.

First and foremost - wait until they want to and that probably won't be until sometime after they are 3 because boys are lazy.

Two - The hardest thing for boys to learn is the idea of "tucking". For those out there with girls, this means that there are certain parts that need to be pointed into the potty when boys are seated and attempting to go "#2".

Three - Since boys generally don't get this concept until about age 6, keep paper towels in your bathroom. Some of those flushable toilet wipes wouldn't hurt either which leads me to...

Four - While helping your son learn to use the toilet, stand to the side of your boy. Sitting in front of them is not a good idea as pee shot into the middle of your chest is NOT a good way to start the morning.

Five - Ladies, while it may seem perfectly reasonable to us, boys are not to take a square of toilet paper and blot after making pee-pee in the potty. If you teach them to do this, the first time your husband/baby daddy sees this, he will freak out. This is followed by the lesson in "shaking it off'. Self-explanatory I guess but you may want to refer to number 3.

Six - Do not distract a boy who is standing up and peeing. If you do, you run the risk of being peed on (along with the toilet, the walls, the sink and anything else in the path of the flow) as the boy turns his whole body to see what's going on. They have short little attention spans!

Good Luck and Happy Potty Training!

Ahh... Spring is in the air. I love this weather. I love the smell of things coming to life again. I'm seeing neighbors that I haven't seen since Halloween. Babies that were newborns in the fall are practically walking now.

But the thing that says spring most for me is....

BASEBALL!!!

It's that first crack of the bat that lets me know that Summer is close. The home opener of the White Sox is my first day of spring. It's a tradition in my family and something I've missed only a couple of the last few years. Poor Branden was there just before his birthday with a double ear infection! Some things are just too important to miss. No matter what the reason.

This year, it was my mom, my sis Eileen and my friend Julie. My other sis was supposed to go, but duty called and she had to bail. Amy is the junior partner in her medical practice so she gets all the crap heaped on her.

So the four of us headed to the park with out hopes high. There was cold beer in the cooler and a brand new grill (since I forgot mine at home) for making some hotdogs.

We did our best to put the thing together considering it required wrenches and screwdrivers and all we had were keys and fingernails. It got the job done anyway!

We were in nosebleed seats for the game, but that's ok. I don't care where I sit as long as I'm there. Here's a view of our seats.

Not too bad. I've definitely had worse. The game was great, if a little cold! The temp that day topped out in the mid- 40's but I'll live with it. My guy Crede scored a nice home run down the third base line and we won the game so I'm not gonna complain!

For you poor souls who have never been to "The Cell" here is the view of the city as you leave the stadium. Nice, huh? Love Chicago!

Grinder Ball Rule #1 Win. Or Die Trying.

The Grinder Ball Rules were the ad slogans for the 2005 (AKA World Series) Season. They are now posted around the stadium. This is one of my favs.

The next post is about another important part of the opening series this year along with the reason I was crying like a baby before the game.

Food Courts Suck

So we are on day 2 of "Spring Break". Why the quotes? Because it's freaking cold and those idiots at the Weather Channel are predicting more snow for Friday. Ridiculous!

I digress.

So day 2 of "Spring Break" was spent getting 1st Communion Pictures at the Mall. I called the Portrait Studio last week and they told me that they were "wide open" for every afternoon so I schedule my appointment for 1:20 on Tuesday. One might imagine that I left my house around 1:00 to make it to the mall with time to spare.

But no.

First we had to go to the shoe store to get nice black shoes to match the suit. Then we had to run into Lemstone because we have no special rosaries in the family making me feel a little bad for my kids that they have no traditions to carry on and no story for their rosary except for "My mom ran into the store because it was next door to Payless and she figured they'd have one."

Mother of the Year!!!

Anyway, we get to the mall with plenty of time to spare and the place was freakin' packed! I mean, people in every room, and more at each computer stand looking at their pictures. There was no where to sit with 3 kids and all our winter gear. We get in, thankfully nearly on time, and the pictures went really well. He looked adorable and like such a little man.

Here's the problem. I had to wait 30 minutes between finishing our session and being able to look at our pictures. So I had to venture into the wide open mall with my children.

*Shudder*

The first obstacle was getting past the little play area, filled to the brim with children. We navigate that hurdle and made it all the way to food court without incident. Once we hit the food court, however, all hell broke loose. I told them that we weren't getting any food, but by 2:00, I was woozy from hunger so I caved.

Once upon a time, when i was young and childless, the food court was a great place. No matter who I went with, there was something that we all wanted to eat. Even Bryan who is super picky. Now that I have kids, the options are an absolute nightmare. Why? Because I have 3 kids, none of whom want the same thing. I want Subway, Caden wants Sbarro, Meghan wants Chinese food, and Branden will accept nothing but McDonalds. Kill me now.

A good mother would probably just go from place to place and get them each what they want, but I never said I was a good mom. I went and got my Subway (pat myself on the back), and made the rest of them get McDonalds. Why did Branden get his choice? Because I simply did not want to listen to the enormous temper tantrum that was going to ensue if he didn't get his way. Simple as that. I now know why my sister was such a spoiled brat. My mom just didn't want to hear it and she figured the rest of us were older and could just deal. I'm assuming this because this is pretty much what i told Caden and Meghan.

I know choice is a good thing, just when I'm the one making the choices. Thankfully while I hold the purse strings, I AM making the choices for them...like it or not. Someday it won't always be the case, but for now I'm enjoying my power trip.

First Communion and Hooters

So this is my second attempt at this post as the first one got some nasty error and then lost in cyberspace. So instead of the thoughtfully introspective first one, you are going to get the abridged version.

This past Sunday my friend Julie and I took our boys to Woodfield Mall to get them suits for their First Communion coming up in May. To say that they were reluctant to get their suits was an understatement. We thought that going together may alleviate some of their anxiety and whining about the jacket and tie.

Caden had been whining so badly over the last couple of weeks about wearing a suit that I finally screamed, er I mean commented, that Jesus said all kids had to wear a suit. Yep that's right. I pulled the Jesus card. It shut him up, didn't it? (This blog isn't named Mother of the Year for nothing!)

So we pull up to the mall and the excitement begins. When we get into JCPenney, the boys first ran here:

To any fellow Catholics out there, this should be amusing. There is no church on earth that would allow shirts and ties like this at a First Communion ceremony! The uniform is white shirts and dark ties. That's it.

However, my boy likes the yellow shirt and tie while Joey preferred a nice dark grey one.

We finally got them to get back to business and look for a suit. Thankfully there isn't much choice at that age. We had to go to another store in order to get shirts and ties. Caden wanted no part of the zip tie and headed straight for a solid black silk tie.

Here is the result:

Isn't he handsome?

This almost made me cry. He's not my baby anymore.

I looked at him and wondered where had the time gone?

Where was my newborn, too small for any of the clothes we'd bought? Or the 15 month old who Finally learned to walk? Or the preschooler who didn't want to go to school twice a week because he loved his mommy too much to leave her?

*sigh*

Good Lord! What am I going to be like when he goes to Prom or heaven forbid get married?

Since the boys were so good and happily tolerated trying on jackets and ties, shirts and belts (not to mention my incessant picture taking) that Julie and I decided to take them out to a nice lunch. One where people served US! So off we went figuring on going to Red Robin or Chili's or something until something caught our eye...

Yeah Yeah Yeah! I don't want to hear it. We brought our 8 year old boys to Hooters for lunch.

Julie had never been there and I LOVE Hooters. They have the best wings around regardless of what the waitresses might (or might not) be wearing!

The boys loved it.

Especially because of this:

Our waitress was very sweet to take a picture with the boys.

Their dads were very proud of them. (Idiots)

I hope the boys always remember this day, and I don't mean Hooters! I hope they remember spending the day with their moms and each other buying their first suits for a big occasion in their lives.

Though they'll probably mostly remember Hooters.

LOL

Back from the Dead

Holy Cow! Has it really been over a month since I've posted???

Time flies when you are on your death bed.

My house was gripped with the horrible flu epidemic of 2008. It's symptoms included a horrible hacking cough (Not a good thing, especially after 3 kids), completely stopped up sinus cavities, high fever, achy body so that sweet hugs from my kids were painful. Even bryan took time off work and that NEVER happens. I think he's taken 2 sick days in the 14 year we have been together.

Since my recovery, it seems that I have merely been spending time catching up on everything that wasn't done during the 2 1/2 weeks that neither of us could rise from the couch. Overflowing laundry baskets, a disgusting kitchen floor, furniture so dusty you could write your name in it etc. etc.

But here's what gets me when, as a wife and mother, you get sick:

My lovely husband made the comment to me that he didn't think I was as sick as he was because I was able to get up and move around.

I didn't dignify that with a response. It would have been filthy if I'd said what I was thinking.

The cleaned up version is that I was just as sick as he was, I'm just not allowed to wallow on the couch. I have 3 kids who aren't sick (which makes everything worse) who still need to eat, go to school, get taken to activites, finish homework and on and on. As a mom, I don't have time to get sick. They need me and don't really care that it takes every bit of the energy left in my body to rise from the couch and microwave yet another chicken patty for dinner. They don't care that helping them with counting money hurts my head so badly that I want to dig my eyeballs out with a spoon just to relieve the pressure. All they know is that I'm mom and I need to help them like I always do.

The next comment was how come I got to stay home from work when he felt bad too, but had to go in. My response to that, besides calling him a great big whining baby, was because I am a substitute. They send teachers home for looking and sounding like I did. If I walked into a school looking like the walking dead, I would certainly not be appreciated. Now, If I had my own classroom, i would have been back sooner, but I don't, so I didn't.

All of you in my district can thank me now for not infecting your children.

Happily, I am back in fine form now.

Right in time to start my next (and last!) online class!!!

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

Who stole my brain and can I have it back please?

So I know that it is pretty much a fact that pregnancy steals your brain (alongside your body, your balance and a bunch of other stuff I have blocked out), but I never realized that nearly 4 years after my final pregnancy, I still wouldn't have my brain back!

Silly me decided that the easiest way to complete the 5 hours of continuing ed that I needed to keep my teaching certificate current, would be to do it online. So I applied at a large On-Line University. My thinking was I could take this class from the comfort of my home on my own time. Everyone would still get to dance class, basketball, football, CCD and all the other things we need to do and I would get my credits.

Only thing is...I seemingly no longer have a brain.

It makes it tough to go to school.

Really, really tough.

This class is kicking my butt all over the comfort of my own home. This would be why I haven't posted in ages. I am blessedly almost through 2 weeks of a 3 week class but the amount of work and reading required is ridiculous. Plus I have to do a GROUP PROJECT!!!!

I hate group projects. I have always hated them. I think it started at some point in high school when it seemed like I alone completed the majority of the project. They simply leave a bad taste in my mouth. Now, I get to do a virtual group project.

Kill me now.

So my schedule for this week is/was:

Tuesday: Read Chpts 3, 4, 5, 6 (about 35 pgs each)
Wednesday: Submit Junior High/Middle School Debate Paper (with APA Citations - Like I remember what the heck those are anymore!)
Thursday: Answer 2 of 4 discussion questions
Friday: Submit Parent Brochure
Saturday: Adolescent Characteristics Paper
Monday: Learning Summary

Plus we have to post "meaningful responses" to other posts 4 out of 7 days.

Kill me now.

All of this is seriously making me think that my brain got hijacked in-utero by one of my children and I want it back. Problem is, I don't know which one. I'm not really sure when the ability to acquire higher learning was sucked out!

Since being a mother, my common sense knowledge has skyrocketed. I have learned that the 5 second rule can be extended to the "as long as I know it's yours" rule. I have learned that kids hate to brush their teeth, but its easier when they have watermelon toothpaste and a toothbrush that sings to them. I have learned that arguing over outfit choices with a three year old is a losing battle. Just let them wear whatever they want. No one cares.

There are days that my kids think I am brilliant.

My fellow classmates, however, probably wish I would just log off.

As I told my teacher, I will probably get used to all this and catch up on day 5 of week 3. It will be too late to help with this class, but I still have one more to go and I think I'll need all the help I can get.

Up next: Adolescent Psychology! Yikes!

MOTY walks the red carpet

LOOK WHAT I GOT!!!

As you can tell from my yelling, I'm excited.

My friend Lisa@take90west just gave it to me!




Now what? I'm ready for my red carpet debut.


(Yes, that's really me)


(Gotta Love the 80's)


(yes again, that really is sparkle velvet and taffeta. I'm just a vision aren't I?)


Like how I cut my date out of the picture? He wasn't worth a spot on my blog anyway! (Can you tell he dumped me?)


Anyhoo.... I appreciate Lisa thinking of me since I'm new to this whole thing. I would like to thank her for supporting me in my blog endeavor and answering a bunch of really stupid questions about how things work around here.


All of this is my first reaction. I swear I ran upstairs to the old photo albums to find this picture immediately!


Now for my second reaction: Holy Crap! Do you know how many people read Lisa's blog???? If only 5% of them came to take a look that would be like... um... uhh.... I don't know but a whole lot more people than usual! (Math was never my best subject).


It dawned on me that people I don't know might actually look at the drivel that I write. Yikes! That is a scary thought. So please be kind if I don't know you as an actual flesh and blood person.

I hope I haven't bored you. :)

My new favorite Layout

I made this on Photoshop 5.0. I love these pics of my daughter at dance class. It's like her at 6 at her at 16.

Big Lessons in Little Packages

Well I definitely know that school is back in session - full swing. I am actually working all week! Very exciting. Unfortunately for the class I will be handling for the next two days, I am no sort of Math teacher. Thankfully, no teacher assumes a sub actually knows what they are doing, so hopefully its just a bunch of review! I apologize to these as of yet nameless children now. I promise to do no harm. If I don't know, I will just say that and allow your teacher to help you on Thursday!

So today I got to work in a bilingual 1st grade classroom. Going in, I was a little nervous. I had never been in a 1st grade room except to help host a holiday party. In the end, they were so sweet and it was pretty much like a normal summer day around my house. Kids everywhere all trying to talk to me at once!

There was one little boy, however, at the end of the day who almost had me in tears. We were watching the episode of "The Magic School Bus" where Miss Frizzle turns them into water. The class is working on evaporation, condensation etc, etc so this fit in nicely and a quiet way to end the day.

I turned the show off to get everyone in coats, hats, gloves etc and he was crying so hard. He had to stay at the after school program and he just wanted to go home. He kept telling me that he just wanted in Mom. He held my hand when I walked all the rest of the kids to the buses or their waiting parents and all the way back into the school. He asked through tears and snot if I could just sit with him in the classroom. And he asked me over and over, "Why can't my mom just come get me?" and all I could do was hug him.

So is this what working mothers feel all the time? I wanted to cry too, because I have a 1st grader and it would break my heart to think of her crying like that to her teacher. It makes me wonder, what in the heck am I doing? Isn't there some other way for me to make money??? But when little Jesus was settled into the afterschool program, and feeling better, I thought that I am lucky. I have a degree that will allow me to work somewhere that I will always be home after school for them. I won't be working breaks and days off or over the summer. Who knows what his mother has to do to make ends meet. I AM glad that I was there to comfort him and hope that it helped. Even just a little.

Got Ghilles?

My daughter Meghan has been taking Irish Dance classes since this past summer. She absolutely loves it. It is high energy, fairly easy to learn and loves, loves, loves her teacher.

Prior to Christmas she had been complaining to anyone who would listen, that she was the only girl in class that did not have ghilles. For those of you that don't know what ghilles are, it's this:

They are $85 Irish Dance Shoes. Why are they so expensive? Because China doesn't make them yet. They are imported from either Ireland or Italy and made out of leather, etc.

Anyway, Meg was bummed so my mom (thank God for grandparents) offered to buy them for her for Christmas.

Today was her first class since getting the shoes. After 10 minutes of trying to figure out how to get them on and tied, etc, she runs into class to proudly show off her first pair of ghilles to her teacher! I was so happy for her.

When class was over I asked if her teacher was excited that she got new shoes and with a sad expression, she said "no". I asked what she did say and Meghan said her response was simply "good".

Now I'm sure the teacher just needed to get class going, especially since we were a little late getting in there what with all the tying and untying going on, but I just wish she could have taken a quick second to remember when she was 6 and got her first pair of ghilles and how proud and excited she probably was.

Oh well. Meghan has probably moved on already and its just me who is sad for her. But I am excited for her! I guess that's why I'm her mom.

How do you help a friend in pain?

My neighbor/friend's mother passed away late last night.

We knew it was coming as she has been in and out of the hospital and nursing homes since Thanksgiving. My friend and her sisters decided on Sunday that this was not what their mother wanted and put a DNR in place and had the doctors remove the breathing tube yesterday.

Then they sat and waited for their mother to die.

I find that heartbreaking and could not imagine the courage it must take to make that decision for another person. What's worse today, however, is that my friend is questioning her decision. Her mom had not been able to breathe without assistance for several weeks, but after the vents were turned off, she breathed on her own for almost the entire day before finally dying. That made her second guess herself because of all the "what ifs" involved.

My response was that she knew her mother did not want to have done, the amount that was already done, let alone allow it to continue indefinitely in the hope that maybe it would improve someday. But I know her. She will beat herself up about this for months to come and I don't know how to help except to listen and remind her of all the things she had been telling me for months and weeks...that her mom wouldn't want any of this stuff done.

Sad stuff.

I love you mom!

Getting a new car is supposed to fun...exciting even. So why am I so exhausted?

I guess it has a lot to do with the how and why of acquiring my new car.

Previous to this weekend, I had been rockin' a sweet 01 Chevy Venture ... Warner Bros. Edition.

I know you are jealous.

It had an awesome VCR that loved to eat tapes as well as about 110000 miles on it. This van has safely driven all 3 of my children around. It has been puked in, peed on, pooped on, a mobile restaurant, medical clinic, changing table, dressing room, taxi, limousine. It has celebrated weddings, mourned at funerals, brought a baby home from the hospital, celebrated a World Series and many Little League victories. We have used it as a warming station and cooling center, shelter from the rain and a mobile radio out at the soccer fields.

Basically, we have lived in this car for the last 6 1/2 years.

Last summer, it started acting a little funny. In stop and go traffic, the temperature gauge would rise until the A/C turned on and it went back down. The gas gauge stopped working so I started telling if I needed gas by the trip odometer. I was leaking anti-freeze somewhere and she was burning some serious oil. I haven't had an oil change in a year and a half! The oil never made it to 3000 miles before I needed to add one or two quarts. Nothing seemed too terribly serious. It had relatively new tires, newer brakes and a battery we replaced on a day that was supposed to be the family trip to the Christmas Tree Farm.

So Friday, the last day of the never-ending Winter Break, my sister-in-law invited the kids and I to go with her to Ikea. I thought great! They can go to Smaland for awhile and Ikea doesn't care if they touch, lay on and sit on everything they have in the place! Plus I get out of the house so one more day where I don't kill them and they don't kill each other. Win-Win.

So we're cruising East on 90 and just passed the 59 Exit. For all non north-siders, that is the last exit off of 90 until you get into Schaumburg or for about 10 miles...give or take. All of a sudden, my temp. gauge goes all the way to hot. Red lights start flashing, things start dinging and my car shuts down.

All while I'm going 75 in the left lane.

With my kids and sister-in-law in the car.

So we manage to get to Schaumburg going 45 on the shoulder with the hazards flashing. We get to Woodfield Chevy, check in and get set up with a Rental since the whole thing is going to take at least a couple of days and head to Ikea.

While there, I find out that the problem is that I have blown two, not one but two, head gaskets as well as some secondary cooling system and all this will take a mere 3 grand to fix.

We spend lots of time talking and gathering advice with the consensus being - ditch the car and find something else. Luckily enough, my father in law is a salesman at Chevy. His manager just happened to take in a fairly new Uplander just 2 days earlier and was due to arrive a the dealership Saturday afternoon. We go and take a look at it. It is a nice vehicle, has everything we need and best of all, the price is right. So we go home riding in our "new" car.

Yet there is still the issue of the old car to deal with! I need to go clean the sucker out. No easy task when you didn't know you would be getting rid of it. I was dying! I brought a couple of grocery bags as well as a garbage bag and it still didn't hold all of the crap in that car! Amazing what will build up after a few weeks. I had just cleaned it right before Christmas.

I'm calling tow companies trying to get a price on towing it the 40 miles to my father-in-laws dealership. Best price so far . . . $165. Then there's the changing insurance, faxing registrations, putting on license plates, and worst of all, figuring out where the heck the windshield wipers are!

As Branden and I were leaving the dealership, he hugged the old car and said good-bye. It was really sweet and I actually choked up. It's hard to just leave behind something that has been such and intregal part of your daily routine for almost 7 years.

But I have to say, the thing I will miss most... I couldn't get my White Sox World Series decals off the windows! I started to peel them off and they were flaking in my hand. Where in the heck am I gonna get one of those now!

Who am I?

To be honest with you, this is a question I have been wrestling with for a couple of years now. Almost exactly 8 years ago, I became a mother. My oldest son will be 8 on January 13. For ages, being a mother was my identity. As my first two kids have started school, I'm been feeling a little lost. As they get older, I see my role in their lives changing. They no longer need me to feed them, change them and basically supply their daily physical necessities. I know they still need me, just in other less clingy ways and I'm thrilled. But in the meantime, I have a lot of free "mental" time. When the kids were babies, there was no time to read my email, let alone write a blog or do self reflection...and its freakin' me out a little.

Since some that may actually read this do not necessarily know me, I will fill in a little background. I have been married to my husband B for 10 years now. We have had a lot of ups and downs in the last 10 years but we seem to be in a pretty good spot right now and I'm really thankful for that. I swore before God and my family that we would be together forever and we are both doing our best to live up to that vow.

We have been blessed with 3 fantastic kids. Caden is my oldest at (nearly) 8. Meghan is my only girl and she is 6. Considering I swear she already has PMS and we butt heads like two rams during mating season, a lot of this blog may very well be dedicated to her! My little guy is Branden and he is 3. He is both the funniest of my kids as well as the most annoying. It may be have something to do with the amount of time we spend with just the two of us.

We live in the far Northwest Burbs of Chicago. I am originally from the Southside, so this is "the place where Jesus lost his sandals" as my family likes to tell me. I do with I lived closer (we're a little over an hour away), but I've lived this way for 9 years. Get over it. Seriously. I really like it out here. I have met a lot of fabulous people that I now have the privledge of calling my friends. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

So that's my life in a nutshell. Exciting, huh? I am happy with my life, but things are changing. Hopefully for the good.

Why are things changing? Well unless you have been in the jungles of central america for the last year, you know that the mortgage/housing industry has gone down the drain. My husband is one of the casualties. He's a mortgage guy. So my cushie life as a stay at home mom is being transformed. Once upon a time, I was a teacher. I quit that life when my first bun was in the oven and haven't looked back. Well, I am now attempting to be a substitute teacher at a couple different districts in the area. It's actually a good way to get my feet wet considering that I have stayed at home, longer than I was a teacher. I am actually taking some continuing ed courses as well in an attempt to make myself more marketable in an attempt to get a job over the summer. Wish me luck...I need it. So going into these classrooms and running them efficiently has actually been a real self-esteem boost for me. Being a mom of 3 really helps run a classroom of 28. It's easier for me now than it was back when I was 23, that's for sure. There is nothing like real life experience! So this is what has my head all twisted around. I'm having some serious guilt issues dropping my 3 year old off at the daycare center...especially since the other two had me full time. I also feel a little guilty that I'm happy to drop him off and go somewhere that I feel "useful". From what I hear, this is pretty standard stuff for working mothers and I hope that it goes away soon, because I think I really like being back at work. My head knows that it doesn't make me a bad mom, but my heart keeps telling me that I need to be at home. Unfortunately, that isn't an option right now so it makes the decision to get up and go every day a little easier on me.

Well that's plenty long enough for post number 2! I'll try and find a happier medium next time!

Why is this so scary?

So this is my very first blog post and I'm really nervous. I'm nervous about sounding stupid. I'm nervous about having absolutely nothing to say. I'm nervous about people I know being able to read my ridiculous ramblings. I'm nervous that the name of my blog is too long. I'm nervous that it will become something like my myspace page... A thing that never gets used or tended to unless I'm bored and there is nothing on TV. So, I'm just going to bite the bullet and post this. Then the first one is done and off my chest and I can move on.