How do you help a friend in pain?

My neighbor/friend's mother passed away late last night.

We knew it was coming as she has been in and out of the hospital and nursing homes since Thanksgiving. My friend and her sisters decided on Sunday that this was not what their mother wanted and put a DNR in place and had the doctors remove the breathing tube yesterday.

Then they sat and waited for their mother to die.

I find that heartbreaking and could not imagine the courage it must take to make that decision for another person. What's worse today, however, is that my friend is questioning her decision. Her mom had not been able to breathe without assistance for several weeks, but after the vents were turned off, she breathed on her own for almost the entire day before finally dying. That made her second guess herself because of all the "what ifs" involved.

My response was that she knew her mother did not want to have done, the amount that was already done, let alone allow it to continue indefinitely in the hope that maybe it would improve someday. But I know her. She will beat herself up about this for months to come and I don't know how to help except to listen and remind her of all the things she had been telling me for months and weeks...that her mom wouldn't want any of this stuff done.

Sad stuff.

I love you mom!